Saturday, October 17, 2009

Joy in the journey

I have little joy right now. One of the main reasons is because my boys have such little joy. Yesterday was a particularly hard morning. Tyler wouldn't talk to anyone (my dad and step-mom are here) and he was falling apart at everything. Grayson, too, was very fussy and melting at the drop of a hat. I made 5 new recipes yesterday and had a pretty bad stomach ache most of the afternoon.

The ironic thing is I started my morning out in God's Word with motivation to rely on God's strength and desire to "make it a good day." I read a devotional about finding joy in your relationship with God and I was struck by the opportunity I have to commune with him in the midst of this trial and struggle. But, I was impatient and crabby and moody and not pleasant to be around. Not exactly on the road to make it a good day.

But, then the afternoon came. My sweet dad came home with a precious little plaque as a surprise present for me. He could tell I needed something. And, my step-mom spent the rest of the afternoon/evening in the kitchen washing dishes as I dirtied them up. We put on music and danced and talked. Even if we were quiet, it was so wonderful just to have someone in the kitchen with me. I really found joy in the community of my family.

This morning I made the connection. I AM NOT ALONE. As I stand in the kitchen for hours, God is present. And, HE CARES. I often think this much life is so trivial that I can only commune with God on the big things. I read this from Oswald Chambers this morning:

"Wherever God has placed you and whatever your circumstances, you should pray, continually offering up prayers to Him. And He promises, "Whatever you ask in My name, that I will do . . ." (John 14:13 ). Yet we refuse to pray unless it thrills or excites us, which is the most intense form of spiritual selfishness. We must learn to work according to God’s direction, and He says to pray."

Pray. Commune with God. That is the end...not the means to the end. I get so focused on when we are going to all feel better, be healed. That is what I want to pray for...and I should pray for that but I can not let the healing be my love. Jesus is my love and it is possible to find joy in journeying with him.

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