Being instead of doing

So the visit this week with the specialist was not what I expected. It reminded me why we decided to stop going down the traditional medical road. What the doctor said was, in a sense, what I wanted to hear...I do not need to worry about Grayson's diarrhea, I don't need to worry about his huge bloated belly, I don't need to worry about undigested food in his BMs, and I should feed him everything. The problem is he said this without putting a hand on Grayson, not looking at him for more than 2 seconds, not letting me finish a sentence, not reading Gray's medical history, and telling me that he will have Irritable Bowel Syndrome his whole life. He rolled his eyes at the idea of an imbalance in the gut flora theory. He said that what we eat makes no difference in our digestive system. He said I myself do not have lactose intolerance because I am of German heritage. There were many gross generalizations made and seemingly unfounded conclusions.

But I don't want to discount that he is a well respected doctor and at 78 years old, has to have much wisdom. He said that Gray does not have any of "their diseases." I believe that, and I'm thankful we went to see him to hear that and I can now remove that nagging thought in the back of my head that he has some chromosomal disorder going on. Going through Gray's medical history was helpful for me to realize how many things have improved.

He doesn't have a disease but is he in optimal health? I don't know. When you go out of the traditional medical model there is much talk about optimal health. That is the driving force behind most diet and nutrition gurus. There is even a sense that if you do everything right (i.e. perfect diet, correct supplements, all toxic avoidance) you can have perfect health. It can be a crazy trap for someone like me who wants to do everything right. I have had to step back many times and remind myself that we are in a fallen world. Things in this world are broken. Many things are beautiful but nothing is perfect. We have the promise that God will restore the world and our bodies back to perfection. But its a promise of things to come, not what we will experience on this earth.

My kids are not perfect. I can not make them perfect. I can not be the perfect mother. There is a not a perfect discipline tactic that if I follow perfectly will produce well behaved children. There is a not a perfect set of activities that if I complete in a week will make my children smart. There is not a perfect way to teach my children about the Bible or memorize versus that will ensure they feel loved by God and love others. AND...there is not a perfect diet or program or medicine that will ensure my children never get sick or never experience pain.

When I got home from the doctor's visit, I had a wonderful talk with Brian. It was mostly about the things I've just been talking about. I realize there is a part of my heart that is seeking to control things I can't control because it gives me a sense of security. But it is a false sense of security. I am going to drive myself crazy and I'm going to miss out on enjoying these years with my kids if I try to find my security in "fixing" them.

Yet, I am their mom, and I can't ignore issues if they are there. Balance. That is what I am trying to find. How to move forward when I think I need to to care for them, while at the same time resting in knowing that they are more than cared for by God.

Being instead of doing.

I don't have a master plan for where to go from here and I like that. We are already at the stage in our diet when we can start to add in some more foods so we'll slowly start to work our way into more and more variety. For the most part, my kids are doing great and I am going to choose to focus on their awesomeness. I am going to drink more water during the day...not because I am "supposed to" but because it is relaxing and it makes me slow down. I am going to sit still more. I am going to try to find a hobby. I am going to delete all 1200 unread emails in my inbox and not worry about trying to get to them all. I am going to try to think about just today. I am going to be a mom to my babies. I am going to enjoy my husband. I am going to rest.

We have a God who offers to take our burdens, I might as well take advantage of that.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness" Lamentations 3:22-23

On the Road Again

I take Grayson to see a specialist tomorrow at the Diagnostic Clinic at Children's Hospital. It was recommended that we take Gray to see this "jack of all trades" about a year and half ago by our ENT and then confirmed by the GI specialist. The collective reasoning was to see if there was an underlining diagnosis that would explain all the many health problems he has, something like a chromosomal thing.

At the time, Brian and I decided not to take him. We had just finished 6 months of various exams and tests that were hard on Gray (and me) and very expensive. All coming out normal. At the time, we did not feel we were getting anywhere on the traditional medical road so that was when we decided to put all our efforts into nutrition and diet changes.

We have been on the GAPS protocol for a year now (I plan to write a post on reflections of this year soon). Grayson has greatly improved but still experiences many of the same symptoms that we have no explanation for. A few weeks ago, he started a new (probably unrelated) symptom of frequent urination. REALLY frequent! Our doctor decided to test him for diabetes. After a very, very long week of waiting for test results, we found out the tests came back negative.

I'm so thankful for those results and I'm not too worried about the high amounts of urination. I do wonder about God's sense of humor sometimes. I have said for a while now that the majority of my work and chaos of daily life revolves mostly around bodily fluids and that my life would seem much calmer if everyone could keep their fluids inside their body or in the appropriate waste receptacle. At the season of my life when I think I might be able to potty train my youngest and burn the diaper champ, we now are buying more (bigger) diapers and the bodily fluids have increased! Ha, ha...

The week of not knowing was very difficult. I just hate not knowing what is wrong with my babies! I pray a lot for wisdom and guidance. Everyone has an idea, a pill, a method, a test, a treatment. There are so many options, all of which are expensive and may lead you to a dead end. We've been on so many roads and I'm not sure sometimes if we've even moved from where we've started. How do I know when to try a new road, to persevere down the one we're on, or if I'm even following all the directions?

All of this to say: I'm going down this medical road...again...for a while. I'm sure this doc will order many tests, which, because of our sucky insurance, will cost us greatly and may not give us any answers. He may diagnose him with something that makes no difference to his treatment or how we love him. He may also provide a piece to the puzzle. He may be able to tell me one small instruction. I've decided either way, its worth a journey down this road.

What I feel like God has pressed on my heart this past two weeks is that it is good and right and part of how he made me to fight for my kids. I feel crazy sometimes, and sometimes I am. But other times I am deeply in love with a God who is deeply in love with me and my kids. And when I remember how deeply he loves them I remember that if I never have answers I can still find rest while continuing on the road.

Here is a summary of Grayson's road that I had to type up for the specialist appointment tomorrow:

Birth:

• low body temperature, taken to special care nursery in warmer, temperature did not change, taken to PICU temp raised (all lasting about 12-16 hours, formula given in PICU)
• cried the most of the hospital stay. Difficulty sleeping even when held. Difficulty nursing
• Nursing at home, continued to have sleeping difficulties. Cried at all times of day and at all times of being awake. Could not sleep for more than 10-15 minutes without waking up with a piercing cry and body wincing. Appeared to be in pain most of the time.

Infancy

• Started Prevacid, made little change in temperament
• Eliminated Dairy in mothers diet which helped some
• Mom did a elimination diet (Dr. Sears) for 2 weeks
• Challenged dairy with noticeable negative reaction
• Colic type behavior continued until 4 months then much better
• Continued to have reflux “burps” with the sound of food coming up and going back down, frequent hiccups
• Soy and Dairy avoided by mom
• Ear infections started around 4 months and were continuous (around 6 in 4 months)
• High amounts of drooling
• Frequent illnesses
• Developmental milestones met WNL with noted Hypotonia

December -January 08 (9 months)

• Tube surgery after multiple ear infections
• Mother became pregnant which eliminated breast milk
• Started on predigested dairy formula…eczema, increase in reflux burps and diarrhea started
• Switched to soy formula and seemed to do great with formed bowel movements
• Continued to have large amounts of drool, open mouth breathing and gagging with solid food (not initial pureed food but later chewable foods)

March 08 (11 months)

• Frequent diarrhea returns (10-12 large, loose or mushy stools a day with a very foul odor) Stools often not held by the diaper due to consistency and/or volume. Food particles and mucus in stool
• Continued to have multiple ear infections after tube surgery
• Frequent illnesses
• Continued high amounts of drool and open mouth breathing

June 08 (14 months)

• Fitted by Physical Therapist at St. John’s hospital for orthodics due to hypotonia and late stage walking
• Switched to rice milk at a year
• IgA blood and skin testing done at SL Children’s Hospital-negative results
• Celiac blood test-negative
• IgG blood testing with following results:
• 3+ reaction to garlic
• 2+ reaction to peanut
• 2+ reaction to soy
• 1+ reaction to rice
• Very Low reaction to almond, cane sugar, cow’s milk, goat’s milk, lentil, pineapple, tuna, beef, cheddar cheese, egg white, grape, oat, sweet potato, turkey, buckwheat, cod, egg yolk, grapefruit, orange, sesame, zucchini, cabbage, cottage cheese, gluten, lamb, pea, string bean
• Attempted cow’s milk with strong negative reaction (intense stomach pains and listlessness).
• Stools remain same (10-12 large, loose, food and mucous), reflux burps continue, drooling continues, gagging with food continues, eczema continues

August 08 (16 months)

• Dietician consultation. Barb Lindeman advises to stay away from 3+ and 2+ foods but not to try to avoid 1+ or Very Low reaction foods. Increase fat, Carbohydrates, Vitamin D, and calcium
• Gastroenterologist visit. Dr. Elizabeth Utterson orders Upper GI and small bowel follow through—done at SLCH—results normal
• Start probiotic
• Reflux burps improve
• Diarrhea decreases in frequency 2-4/day. Not as loose.

December 08

• Digestive Stool Analysis done-increased cholesterol in stool, no Lactobacilli noted

January 09

• Soft Neck Tissue Xray at St. John’s notes adenoid enlargement

March 09

• Adenoid and Tonsils removed
• Drooling and open mouth breathing improve
• Stools continue at 2-3/day large, mushy, food and mucous in stool
• Continues to need orthodics due to hypotonia
• Congestion continues
• Eczema continues

September 09

• Begin strict diet with elimination of sugar, grains, dairy, soy. Diet high in meats, vegetables and good fats.
• Increase EFAs and add cultured vegetables and digestive enzymes
• Skin turns orange in color for months
• Catches a virus that caused vomiting and resulting dehydration-hospitalized for 3 days because he continued to be listless and often unresponsive. White blood cell count high enough to cause concern. Discharged when his count lowered and he would eat a couple bites of food.

April 10

• Stools start to improve. Move to 1-2/day. Begin to see some formed stool with intermittent soft/mushy and intermittent diarrhea. Continue to see undigested food and mucous. Stool floats and is oily and dark in color.
• Eczema eliminated

May 10

• Anitbiotic started due to ear infection
• Stools improve greatly. Start to see formed stools the majority of the time.

October 10

• Begin urinating with high frequency (4-8 times an hour) with increase in thirst
• Blood test for diabetes-negative
• Stool continues to be soft, mush with intermittent formed stools. Undigested food continues to be seen in stool at much lesser degree and not as often. Mucous noted occasionally when stool is looser and more foul smelling. Occasionally looses stool when passing gas or throughout the day.
• Distended belly gets larger through the day.
• Has a large appetite and can be insatiable even after large amounts of nutrient dense food.

GAPS update and our little adaptations

I know it has been forever since I've last posted. I've noticed that is a common theme among GAPS bloggers. When I visit another GAPS blog and see that they haven't posted in a very long time I feel an instant connection to them. I am pretty sure I know what they are going through. Following GAPS does not permit you much time for anything else. So hats off to you GAPS bloggers that manage to blog regularly and follow the protocol...you are amazing! For the rest of you: hang in there, we'll make it! If you are anything like me, it is also hard to blog when you are not feeling "rah, rah, rah" about the protocol. So, if you are following my blog and I haven't written in a while it is probably an indication that I am struggling with being fully on board with this crazy thing. I am constantly re-evaluating this approach and its practicality in our family.

We are beginning our 11th month on GAPS. I should clarify that the kids are the only ones that have been consistently on the protocol for the entire time. I have decided that I can not stick so strictly to it at this time in my life. It is too hard to plan for my meals and theirs. I am allowing myself freedom but I am also trying to eat as best as I can.

Honestly...The trying started yesterday. For the 2 months prior to yesterday (the 2 months I was not blogging), I have been eating everything in site. Needless to say, I don't feel the greatest.

So, here is to a new start at a road of moderation for me. For the kids, things are going great! Tyler hardly ever shows signs of hyperactivity, impulsivity, high irritability, sensory defensiveness, rigidity, etc (at least not more than most 6 year olds). All of their stools have normalized for the majority of the time. They all still have very distended bellies after meals and there are still days when diarrhea strikes and because I don't take records, I really don't know why. While many people that follow the GAPS protocol take data religiously, I have come to terms with the fact that that will not work for me. I can not do that, and I am okay with not doing this protocol perfectly. For me, if I stress out about doing it perfectly it is too overwhelming to do at all.

So, for those GAPS purists that will be aghast at my following list of adaptations: close your eyes. For anyone else following GAPS that is overwhelmed or on the verge of quitting, here are some of the adaptations we make:
-Applegate Farms Organic Chicken Hot Dogs (we eat at least once a week now)
-Trader Joes Raw Almond Butter instead of making my own
-Trader Joes Almond Meal instead of grinding my own almond flour
-Whole Foods Brand all fruit jelly
-canned coconut milk with guar gum (guar gum is a no-no on the protocol)
-baking special occasion treats with baking soda and/or baking powder
-baking special occasion treats with organic cocoa
-Stevia
-Erythritol
-commercially available dried fruit and fruit leathers with no sugar
-most of our vegetables are not organic (we can't afford it otherwise)
-Spectrum Canola Oil Mayo

That is all I can think of now; I'm sure there are more. Its good to be back blogging again and hopefully I will be a little more regular. I have lots of new recipes to share.



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Why my friends ROCK!

I have been overwhelmed lately by the outpouring of love to our family. Last week, two women from our church made and froze 30+ hamburger buns for us to keep on hand. We use tons of these in place of bread for sandwiches, hamburgers, etc. You can read Maddie's comments about cooking for us with her mom on her blog.

Yesterday, Maddie came over for about 5 hours and we cooked all kinds of stuff. She helped me experiment with some GAPS cupcake recipes to come up with one that is sweetened without honey (we are having bad reactions to this) or Stevia (Stevia has a funny taste). We have a wedding next weekend so I need a cupcake to bring as a wedding cake replacement for the kids.

Two days ago a friend in the church went to Whole Foods for us and made a much needed grocery run.

Last week one friend sent me a lengthy card with tons of encouragement and love. She then followed up with emails.

For the last three weeks, my cousin has cooked large batches of staple food items for us to freeze and have on hand.

Last week my wonderful friend threw me a surprise party. She invited five other women and they showered me with love. All the women contributed to a GAPS friendly dinner and dessert. While we enjoyed our ginger tea and pumpkin meringue the women went around and shared answers to prepared questions about what they valued and saw in me. It was humbling and overwhelmingly wonderful. The point was to communicate to me that they are "for me" and in my corner during this trying season.

I know there are other ways people have loved us that I am forgetting.

I am in a season of feeling like I have been stripped of everything. It has been painful (physically and emotionally) but it has been the richest season of my life. Our God is more than enough to fill me when I feel empty.

We sang in a hymn last week: "Empty handed, but alive in His hands" That is a perfect description of how I feel right now. I wouldn't have asked for it, but I am grateful.

Caring for Us

Many people have offered to help us in some way and I am so thankful. They feel at a loss, as do I, as to what to do. I am attempting to provide a way to make that easier. I am going to make a list of things that would be helpful. It will take me a while to gather all the links to the recipes so this post will be a work in progress.

If you would like to cook for us or have us over for dinner:
All the recipes on the blog are safe to make. If you are unsure of an ingredient you can check the page: what we can eat. The following list are recipes and items we use the most.

Freezable Snacks and Staples
Sandwich Buns (we need these the most)
Sausage Patties (we need these the second most)
Meatballs
Pancakes
Veggie Muffins
Egg Muffins
Egg Pizza
Chicken Nuggets
Chicken Stock
Beef Stock
Banana Pancakes
Yoda Bars

Meals
Shepherd's Pie
Beef Stew
Chicken/Turkey Soup (like chicken noodle soup without the noodles)
Cilantro Chicken Salad
Stuffed Cabbage Soup
Turkey Hash
Roast with veggies
Roast chicken with veggies
Salmon, Tilapia or any fish grilled, baked, broiled, etc. with veggies
Pork Chops
Ribs
Hamburgers with avocado buns or with lettuce wraps
Spaghetti Squash with tomato sauce or with olive oil and basil
Shrimp with avocados
Stir-Fry (without rice)
Broccoli Cauliflower Salad
Pea Soup
Tuna Salad
Roasted Red Pepper Soup in acorn squash bowls

If you would like to run an errand:
It is very difficult to go in any store with three little children, especially when you can't buy them food to occupy them. If you are going to run an errand for yourself, give me a call and see if there is something I might need there too. The places I most often need stuff from are: Target, Trader Joes, Whole Foods, and any grocery store.

If you would like to come spend time with me and my kids:
I could always use company or a helping hand to play with the kids, fold laundry or do some other household chores that are more than neglected.

If you would like to pray for us:
I have prayer requests listed here

Prayer for us

Our sweet church has been so wonderful at caring for me and my family during this season. I was asked today to write down prayer requests. I thought I would share them here in case someone else is led to pray for us too.

1. Healing: That God would heal our tummies, provide our body with the knowing of how to digest food properly
2. Wisdom: That God would provide Brian and me with wisdom in regard to which avenue to seek for healing, wisdom and discernment to sift through all the varied opinions and options regarding how to heal
3. Relief: That God would provide and lead me and my doctor to something that will relieve my painful eczema and intense itching
4. Strength: That God would give me the self-control and strength to avoid food not on the protocol and endurance to keep up with the organization and amount of cooking...and amount of kiddie poop clean-up.
5. Sanctification: That God would draw me closer to Him as I learn to rely on Him and not on myself.

Diving off the Wagon

I would say I fell off the wagon, but that would be describing the last 2 weeks lightly. Running and then diving off the wagon would better describe the eating frenzy I've been on. I knew starting over on the intro diet 3 weeks before the Holidays would be hard but I overestimated my willpower.

Tyler had a Christmas program at school followed by a cookie exchange. The room was filled with probably 50 different types of cookies and they were all calling me. After being strong for at least 30 minutes I decided I could have one bit of one cookie. I walked all around looking for the perfect cookie and tried to savor my one bite. It was not the best cookie. I looked for another option. Took one more bite and was still disappointed. I stopped there but on the drive home I sat with Tyler's "special" cookies on my lap. Mad and feeling sorry for myself, I ate all dozen of Tyler's cookies (knowing it would upset my GI issues the next day).

When I got home I was unstoppable. From that moment on I ate "anything in front of me," as my husband described it. I ate pounds (yes, multiple) of chocolate covered nuts, cookies, and pie.

I recommitted to the GAPS protocol yesterday (1/1). Happy New Year. I am frustrated with myself. My symptoms are back in full force. 2 weeks ago I was feeling so great, I was really making progress and now I'm faced with the reality that I my body may be back in the state it was in in September.

I am debating whether or not I will start over on the Intro Diet. The Intro Diet has 8 stages that start with just stock, boiled meat and veggies and then progressively adds harder to digest foods. I could start all over or I could try moving forward from where I ended. Or, I could eat the full GAPS diet which would seem surprisingly nonrestrictive. I know the best thing for my gut would be to start all over but I just don't know if I can do it. I'm wondering if it would be wiser to follow the protocol that is the least restrictive with the expectation that I can follow it without feeling deprived and without the risk of diving off the wagon for the third time.

The good news is we are seeing great progress with Grayson. Its nice to know that there is a point to this.

another day

"Any problem that comes while I obey God (and there will be many), increases my overjoyed delight, because I know that my Father knows and cares, and I can watch and anticipate how He will unravel my problems." -Oswald Chambers from My Utmost for His Highest

I have had some harder days. Friday, I had one of the worst die off reactions I've had. I could hardly stand up, couldn't think straight, felt very moody and easily frustrated. Thankfully, Brian came home a little earlier and I was able to take a detox bath which really helped. He also gave me a big break this weekend and took care of the kids most of the weekend. I've had a set back in my symptoms due to eating out three times this weekend...even though almost everything I ate was something I've been able to handle so far. (I did cheat and eat 4 chocolates at Brian's holiday party, they were just too beautiful). This is the point I get very discouraged and start to feel sorry for myself.

The above quote from Oswald Chambers is helpful today to help me rely on God for strength to get back on the wagon and find joy in another day of chicken soup.

Back Again

It's been a very long time since my last post and there are many reasons for that. The first being the fact that I am spending so much time cooking that I don't have time for many other things. The other reason is we've been traveling. Brian and I got to go on our first vacation (just the two of us) in five years, since the birth of our first born. I know many people don't get that at all and it was such a treat. We were gone for a week and my children stayed with my in-laws and my mom. I had to cook food for them to eat while gone (though my mom bit the bullet in learning to cook all these new recipes and cooked all her food) and cook food for me to take with me. We returned from vacation and left 10 days later to visit family for Thanksgiving.

This has made the work load for cooking much larger and its also been hard to stay motivated. I took a break from the diet while on vacation because, well, its vacation. That has made it hard to get back into it once home. I reached a day a couple of weeks ago (in between trips) where I hit a wall and could not cook another thing. It has also been such a struggle with my oldest. He has always been obsessed with eating and he is so sad about all the food missing. Every meal was becoming a battle and I couldn't take the arguing anymore.

We decided to give him a "break" from the diet. He was elated with this news. The "break" is just taking him off the Intro diet and moving him to full GAPS diet. We also let him have GAPS illegal treats over Thanksgiving. I am really seeing the effects of it now. Like my husband said the other day, "it feels like we can't win either way." With the illegal foods he has had severe stomach aches, become very argumentative and controlling (behavior we used to see back in the spring before we took him off of dairy and soy), had less control over his body (always moving, in your space, falling off of chairs, etc), and now he is more resistant to the foods he was eating well (cultured vegetables, supplements, even eggs).

My husband and I have had a lot of talks lately about what does "middle ground" look like for us. Its a hard question. To follow the GAPS protocol does not allow for much middle ground and if we want to see long term healing, we need to follow the protocol as close as possible. But, the stress it causes to follow the protocol can not be healthy either.

So, this is where we're at right now. I have started the Intro Diet over again--I'm on Day 4. I spent about a month cheating and not sticking strictly to the diet and have started feeling awful again. It took me about 6 weeks to get to stage 3 before, I'm hoping it won't take near as long to progress this time. I am going to be more careful about what vegetables and spices I introduce and really look for reactions.

I am also starting Gray (my second) over again tomorrow. My mom is taking my oldest for a few days so I don't have to deal with feeding them different things. I am praying we move fast with Gray so when my oldest comes back I can feed them somewhat similar things.

I feel a lot more prepared this time. I know its going to be hard. I'm expecting to feel very tired and moody for at least a month. I know now it will get better. At about 2 months into the diet I was really feeling positive and liking the foods. My cravings are strong right now but now as strong as they've been in the past.

My biggest prayer is to feel joy and peace in the midst of disappointment and trial. Every diaper, every meal, every behavior, every refusal of food is a chance for me to feel like a failure. I want to not be rocked by those circumstances and instead keep my eye on God's ability to give me wisdom and strength.

Bye to the next round

It always seems to catch me off guard when I’ve snapped at my children, acted frustrated with a phone call that’s interrupted my day or been rude to a stranger. “Why did I do that?” is always usually my first thought. Then a list of rationalities follow: “this has been such a long day; I am so tired; we’re running late; I’m overwhelmed;” etc. Then the list of resolutions start: “I just need to get better about leaving with enough time; when life calms down for us a little then I’ll have more patience; when my kids are older it won’t be so overwhelming, then I’ll be a good mom; etc”

Its amazing how often I think that at the next season of my life is when I’ll start to be able to “work on” the fruits of the spirit: gentleness, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control. I give myself a bye for this season and wait for a “less crazy” season to engage my heart with God.

I looked up the definition of bye: the right to proceed to the next round of a competition without contesting the present round, often through nonappearance of an opponent.

The next round seems so much more important or controllable. I often feel like I have no hope for this round so why even show up. I feel sure that in the next round I’ll have the chance to demonstrate profound faith in God or I have a better opportunity to get it right.

I read this from Oswald Chambers this morning: “It requires the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours of every day as a saint, going through drudgery, and living an ordinary, unnoticed, and ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus. It is ingrained in us that we have to do exceptional things for God—but we do not. We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things of life, and holy on the ordinary streets, among ordinary people—and this is not learned in five minutes.”

I have felt a stirring in my heart over the last couple of weeks that this is the time. It is exactly in the middle of this crazy, busy, overwhelming season that God will be working out the fruits of the spirit. Can you even call it patience if you behave calmly when you were already calm to start out with? I find myself finding a new hope that God is using this season to change me into more of the woman he created me to be. But it requires me to engage with him, to pray for patience in the moment and to confess when I’ve been impatient.

Tough seasons don’t give me a free pass to the next round. This is the round that matters. I want to show up.

Joy in the journey

I have little joy right now. One of the main reasons is because my boys have such little joy. Yesterday was a particularly hard morning. Tyler wouldn't talk to anyone (my dad and step-mom are here) and he was falling apart at everything. Grayson, too, was very fussy and melting at the drop of a hat. I made 5 new recipes yesterday and had a pretty bad stomach ache most of the afternoon.

The ironic thing is I started my morning out in God's Word with motivation to rely on God's strength and desire to "make it a good day." I read a devotional about finding joy in your relationship with God and I was struck by the opportunity I have to commune with him in the midst of this trial and struggle. But, I was impatient and crabby and moody and not pleasant to be around. Not exactly on the road to make it a good day.

But, then the afternoon came. My sweet dad came home with a precious little plaque as a surprise present for me. He could tell I needed something. And, my step-mom spent the rest of the afternoon/evening in the kitchen washing dishes as I dirtied them up. We put on music and danced and talked. Even if we were quiet, it was so wonderful just to have someone in the kitchen with me. I really found joy in the community of my family.

This morning I made the connection. I AM NOT ALONE. As I stand in the kitchen for hours, God is present. And, HE CARES. I often think this much life is so trivial that I can only commune with God on the big things. I read this from Oswald Chambers this morning:

"Wherever God has placed you and whatever your circumstances, you should pray, continually offering up prayers to Him. And He promises, "Whatever you ask in My name, that I will do . . ." (John 14:13 ). Yet we refuse to pray unless it thrills or excites us, which is the most intense form of spiritual selfishness. We must learn to work according to God’s direction, and He says to pray."

Pray. Commune with God. That is the end...not the means to the end. I get so focused on when we are going to all feel better, be healed. That is what I want to pray for...and I should pray for that but I can not let the healing be my love. Jesus is my love and it is possible to find joy in journeying with him.

Culinary Victory and GI defeat

We had a wonderful dinner last night. I felt so proud of my culinary efforts and we all enjoyed our dinner...except for Tyler who doesn't enjoy much of anything these days. I felt very empowered in the kitchen but then quickly defeated when I changed Gray's diaper. He has been having normal BMs for the past few days which was a sign the diet was working. Yesterday he went back to the undigested runny poopies, there was actually a whole green bean in his diaper. (Sorry if that's too much info). This means I need to go slower with progressing through the stages of the diet and that I need to back up with him to figure out what triggered the diarrhea. I have a feeling it was almonds which will be a big bummer trying to figure out how to make any type of baked good without almond flour.

Here is what we had for dinner:

Roasted Red Pepper & Tomato Soup in Acorn Squash Bowls

• 4-6 Red Peppers, cut in half with stems removed
  
• 1 Large Tomato, cut in quarters
  
• 3-4 cups of chicken stock
• 1 medium onion
• 2 Tb. of oil for skillet (coconut or ghee is what we used)
• 2 Tbsp. tomato paste
• 1-2 Tb. Thyme
• 4 Bay leaves
• ground pepper
• garlic powder
• sea salt
• Acorn squash (1 for every 2 people)
  

Preheat oven to 350. Place acorn squash on baking sheet, whole. Place peppers and tomatoes on a non-stick pan, cut side down. Bake peppers and tomatoes in oven until skin starts to blacken and blister, about 20-30 min. Remove peppers, place in a bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Let cool for 15 min. Bake squash for about 45-60 min.

Meanwhile, in a stockpot, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion and saute unitl translucent. Add the chicken stock and all of the spices and tomato paste . Bring to a gentle boil.

Remove as much skin from peppers as possible. Add to the pot. Use an immersion blender to puree the soup.

Remove squash from oven. Cut in half, scoop out seeds. Put squash in a bowl. Pour soup in squash. Top with fresh basil and/or grated cheese.

Green Bean Salad with Balsamic Dressing

• 1/2 cup balsamic vinegar (not GAPS legal)
  
• 1/2 cup chopped fresh basil
• 4 large shallots, minced
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 tablespoon brown sugar (I used 4-5 drops of Stevia)
  
• 1 teaspoon seasoned pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup olive oil
• 2 lbs of green beans
  

1. Whisk together balsamic vinegar (not GAPS legal)and next 6 ingredients in a small bowl until blended; gradually add olive oil, whisking constantly until blended.

2. Pour over washed and trimmed green beans in a casserole dish. Bake, covered, for 20-30 min.

3. Serve over fresh greens and sprinkle with pine nuts.

I'm not alone

Today was a good day. I made up a butternut squash pancake recipe from some other bloggers ideas and they were pretty good. The kids gobbled them up this morning and they were a great snack to send to school. It makes such a difference when they are excited about what they're eating. I cleaned the house this morning which felt good to do something that produced a result...at least until lunch when it was all dirty again. I had plans for many more things in the afternoon but I was completely exhausted. It hits me like a ton of bricks. One moment I'll think I can keep going and then the next minute its all I can do to get up the stairs and make it to my bed. This is one of the hardest parts. I need to keep cooking and finding recipes but I am just soo soo tired.

Afternoon and dinner was the highlight. Tyler was so pleasant when I picked him up from school and they played well together while I got dinner together. We have moved passed the stage of having to boil all our meats and veggies and can now eat things baked and roasted. This is huge. We had roasted salmon, asparagus and butternut squash/carrot potatoes. You can not believe how much the kids ate. They asked for thirds of everything. We finished off everything and Brian didn't even eat with us tonight. No left overs for tomorrow which means I'll have to cook something new for lunch.

The thing that has made the last 24 hours so wonderful is the various friends that I've talked to who are wanting to learn and try some of these things we're doing. I can't tell you how encouraging this is to me. Of all the things that are so hard with this transition (how crappy I feel, how new everything is, how much I have to learn, how much I miss certain foods, how much time it takes to cook everything) the two hardest things are how hard it is to tell my boys no and how alone I feel.

I am thankful for the yahoo group I am a part of and the blogs of other people on GAPS but it is no where near the same as people in your community going through something with you. Even in my marriage it has been hard because Brian doesn't understand everything as much and its hard for him to see all of us go through this. Cooking and eating has always been something we enjoy doing together. Brian has always shared a lot of the daily cooking with me. Now, I do it all and we miss the joy of doing stuff together. We had a wonderful talk this weekend about ways he can join me and he reassured me that he is on my team and he does believe in this diet. While we were talking I cried as I told him how great it would be if he (or anyone) called me up one day and said, "Hey, I was trying ____ and it turned out great" or "I read _____ the other day and found out _____." Does that make sense? Its like when you're a new mom and all you want to talk to is other moms because you need to hear ideas, be heard, ask questions. I have felt like I'm a new mom in a land of people that don't have children.

The awesome thing is, I feel like God heard my cry and answered me with a quick "You are not alone." In less than 24 hours, I had multiple conversations with people all wanting to start some part of our lifestyle. I understand it will be rare that someone would jump into full GAPS but just having someone to share learning how to culture vegetables together would be awesome.

Over the next few days I'm going to try to post all the different lifestyle changes we're making. I don't expect anyone to want to do them all but maybe having some friends/family picking one area to join me. Here are the areas I'm thinking :

• switching to local, organic meats/eggs
• culturing vegetables
• making Kombucha tea
• making more foods from scratch (Bread, nut-butters, condiments, salad dressings, yogurt, kiefer, crackers, bone stock, etc.) and reducing processed foods
  
• cutting or reducing sugar
• eating an 80/20 diet (80% of diet fruits and veggies/20% meat and grains)
  
• detoxing the home (cleaners, detergents, soaps, perfumes, etc.)
• cooking with traditional and healthy oils and fats (butter instead of margarine, olive oil instead of canola, eliminating soy and vegetable oils, using coconut oil, etc)

If any of these areas seem interesting to you, please keep checking the blog. I'll share what I've learned and resources I've found and I would love to hear from you as you learn along with me.

Victory and Defeat

Those are the two words I keep saying to myself. In one moment I'll experience victory and then in the very next moment: defeat. But, the opposite is also true. When I feel defeated there will be a moment of victory that gives hope. Its been a long week. The boys are still recouping from the stomach virus. Gray didn't start walking until Wednesday. Before that he wanted me to carry him everywhere. When you put him down on the ground he'd stand there for a minute and then lie down on the floor. He went to school that day because he wanted to. The teachers said he pulled up a chair in the middle of the floor and just watched the other kids play. It was so hard to see him not himself. Tyler has been just so sad. He says he has no cool toys, no cool books, there is nothing fun at school, etc. I'm not sure how much of this is the virus still hanging around or because of the diet.

I've read more about the "die off" reaction. Its also called the healing crisis. I belong to a yahoo group where people post questions and talk a lot about die off reactions. On one hand, its been sobering to read how long it takes some families to level out. But, on the other hand it helpful to realize that it will probably be awhile before we feel great. This way I'm not thinking, "is this the day/week we're going to feel better." I think it will be helpful for others to see, too, that this is something we're in for the long haul.

Here is the best info I've found on what to expect from the healing crisis:
from Healing Naturally by Bee

"The healing crisis is an acute reaction that is the result of the activity of nature's healing forces in overcoming chronic disease conditions. It is brought about when the body becomes overcrowded by wastes and toxins. Cells and tissues begin to throw off the waste and carry it from the bloodstream to various eliminating organs including the bowels, kidneys, lungs, skin, nasal passages, ears, throat, and genital organs.

These organs, in turn, become congested and irritated, producing symptoms such as colds, flue, boils, skin problems (rash, eczema, psoriasis, rosacea, etc.), kidney and bladder infection, headaches, ear or eye infection, diarrhea and/or constipation, and fever, to name a few.

That is the healing crisis, which is a form of healing and elimination. First the toxins are removed and then the tissues are renewed. These symptoms and the process of elimination are part of the cure and should not be suppressed. Although a healing and disease crisis may look alike they are very different.

By changing the diet to a highly nutritious one, and by eliminating as many sources of damaging substances as possible, i.e. sugar, soy, grains, chemicals, mycotoxins, preservatives, molds, etc. the body gets stronger, digging into the tissues and eliminating old chronic waste and toxins.

Skin problems occur because of toxins being eliminated through the skin, but also because the body externalizes healing to the skin to protect vital inner organs.

It takes about one month of natural healing for every year the symptoms have been present. (this was the most sobering thing for me to read...it could take me 20 months! and probably 3 months for the boys)

When you change your diet, particularly when you eliminate foods and toxins that feed candida, candida starts dying off. As a result the reactions and symptoms you will experience are called Die-Off Symptoms. Therefore when the numbers of candida begin to decrease (are dying off) you will feel the effects, which causes many symptoms and reactions, which are mainly due to the high numbers of toxins that are being released.

Withdrawal Symptoms are some of the reactions you will experience. That is when your cravings for sugar, carbohydrates, alcohol, grain products, etc. will increase. At times it may make you feel as if you are starving, when you actually aren't.

Cleansing/Detoxifying Reactions - "Die-off" symptoms include cleansing/detoxifying reactions, which produce "flu-like" symptoms. This is because the body is trying to deal with the large numbers of toxins being released by the dead candida. This will results in excessive mucus being produced in the mucus membranes, which include sinuses, nose, throat, lungs, the digestive tract, reproductive organs, etc.

These flu-like symptoms may also include an upset stomach, nausea, gas, bloating, belching, muscle and joint aches and pains, clumsiness, headaches, "brain fog," etc. Often you may feel like you have been drugged, with symptoms similar to a bad hangover. That is because most candida toxins are alcohol, which cause hangover-type symptoms. (this describes perfectly how I've felt)

"Die-off" symptoms are also called the Herxheimer reaction, which is caused by the rapid killing of candida and other harmful pathogens, with large quantities of toxins and cell particles being released into the bloodstream and the entire body.

Healing Reactions – In addition to withdrawal symptoms and cleansing reactions you will experience symptoms that are clearly healing reactions. The severity and/or number of healing reactions you experience depends upon how often your body has been exposed to toxins and/or traumatized during your lifetime with injuries, disease, or illnesses, and how much detoxifying and healing the body can accomplish.

To help you "endure" these reactions and continue with your program, keep in mind that any reactions means you are successful in ridding your body of candida, other toxins, heavy metals, etc., and that "healing" is taking place. Every drugless healing practitioner is well aware of such healing reactions.

Symptoms Intensify - When high numbers of candida are being killed off, any symptoms experienced while candida was growing out of control may intensify. This is different person to person, depending upon areas of their body that were most affected by candida overgrowth.

If someone has experienced a lot of digestive problems, their digestive upsets and disturbances will increase. If someone had a lot of head-related symptoms, their symptoms will become worse. And so on. (this is what I think is happening with Tyler and his behaviors)

Symptoms do get worse before they get better. However, as you progress on the program, your good days will increase and your bad days will decrease. Natural healing takes time, patience and persistence on the healing program"

There are things we can do to try to ease the die off reaction. One is to go slowly into changes which we are doing with things like adding supplements, vitamins, and the probiotics. Adding each of those things brings more healing. I want to add them all in at once but I keep reading to go slow, slow, slow. That's very hard for me. I want to get it over with and see results. It can be very discouraging to be going through this much work and feel worse. Not to mention it is very hard to cook for at least 3 hours a day when I feel so tired I can hardly stand up at times.

So, forgive me if I sound like things are great one time when you talk to me and then horrible the next. It depends on the minute. We sang my favorite hymn today at church, "It is well." I am praying that I would find security in who God is and how he sees me in the moments of victory and defeat.

On or off the Wagon? Where the hell is the wagon?

I don't know what day to call this post. I have totally lost track of where we're at on the diet. We started the kids on Monday this week and Tyler started throwing up that night. I thought it was a die off reaction but turns out it was a viral infection. We have been in the hospital with Grayson since Wednesday night because of dehydration. I am praying they will come in and tell us we can go home...I'm also praying for a wet diaper. I really don't want to spend another night here.

I have pretty much stayed on the wagon. I've had a few things that have strayed from the diet only because its pretty hard to have organic, home cooked food for three days in a hospital.

I feel a little discouraged about the diet with the kids. The virus messed us all up. Tyler now thinks that its the new way of eating that made him throw up. He won't even drink the stock any more which is something he's been drinking and even asking for with enthusiasm for weeks now. He is resistant to everything, even very normal foods like meats and vegetables. He gags when we make him eat something.

I'm not sure where Gray is on his attitude toward eating the diet. Right now he doesn't want to eat even apple sauce. I wish I had waited one more day to start the diet, then we would be starting next Monday and no one would be associating this food with being sick.

Just found out we get to go home!!! I am so excited to sleep in my bed and cuddle on the couch with Brian.

If you'll notice I have about 30 posts from the last 2 days. I've been cataloging recipes I've tried and found on-line to organize myself. You can find all the recipes organized by clicking the recipe option to the right top of the blog.

or go HERE to see my recipe list

GAPS diet: Kid's Day 1 & 2

All the kids started the diet yesterday. We've been talking to Tyler about it and he was all on board (in theory). I think he was still a little shocked when he sat down to a breakfast of chicken soup. Grayson was not happy about his soup and neither ate very much. I sent them off to school with their thermos' of chicken stock and little snack coolers with boiled chicken and broccoli. Oh, how I never wanted to be "that family."

I was positive as they day went on. Their teachers were on board with their new snacks and didn't look at me like I had five heads when I explained they would be drinking broth while their friends had kool-aid. When I picked Gray up, his teacher said he ate all his snack and asked for more broth. He and AB both downed their zucchini soup at lunch. I felt great victory.

Then, Tyler's teacher called in the afternoon to say Tyler had been sitting at the table with his head down and asking to go home. My mom went to pick him up. She is here for a few days, which is so wonderful. I couldn't have done this last two days without her. He fell asleep on the way home, then threw up all night and all day the next day (yesterday).

When I brought Gray and Tyler their breakfast yesterday morning, they looked at me and both started vomiting at the same time. I was literally still holding their bowls in shock. I ran to get a trash can and had to alternate between the two of them. This went on the whole day. Tyler; probably over 10 times throughout the day and Gray; probably 6 times throughout the night. We had to change his PJS, blankets, and sheets each time. We pretty much spent the whole day doing laundry and cleaning up. Please pray that this is the worst of it and it is over.

Apparently, this is a pretty common reaction to the start of the diet. Its called "die off." I'm on a yahoo group which has been very helpful to talk to other families and get encouragement. Everyone seems to think this is normal and part of healing. Its the body getting rid of all the toxins.

Tyler ate some eggs, peas and a little bit of broth this morning. Gray just woke up.

Please pray against an aversion to soups, especially broth. Tyler thinks that is what is making him sick. It is a staple to healing the gut and he needs it.

GAPS diet: Days 5-9

It has been a very hard week. I've been continuing on the intro stage of this diet. To answer some questions: There are five stages to the intro to move through before going full into the diet. I'm on stage one. The time frame for moving through each stage is different for each individual. I've been confused as to when to move on to the next stage. I finally emailed one of the gals who works closely with the doc and she told me to move forward even though I'm still having symptoms.

My symptoms have decreased and I'm not in pain so that is a good sign. I was expecting to be symptom free before moving forward but I'm realizing that my not happen for a very long time. Once I'm on the full GAPS diet I can probably expect it to be a couple of years before I can start eating normally again.

I'm just really mourning the loss of good food. Brian has been such an encouragement. Every couple of days I say that I'm going to quit and that this isn't worth it and he reminds me it isn't forever and going back to how I was feeling isn't an option. I just keep trying to remember that at the end of this I should be able to eat more foods than I've been able to eat in a long time (not that I didn't eat those foods anyway...they just put me in a lot of pain).

We are starting the diet with the kids next Tuesday. I sat down with Tyler and explained to him all about the good gut flora and sick flora and what the flora's job is in our intestines. I showed him pictures and explained that I loved him very much and I wanted him to have all the good flora he could get. He was very on board and is actually excited to start "soup day." He was even more excited when I explained that after a long time he might be able to eat soy and milk again if we could build enough good stomach germs. He keeps talking about how when he's seven and we go to Minnesota he'll be able to eat ice cream. Please pray for that to come true. I would love for my boys to be free of their food intolerances.

I've been experiencing another round of die off. This is also known as the healing crisis. Its basically when your symptoms get worse before they get better. My eczema on my face is so bad it hurts and there are days I can barely open my eyes they are so swollen. Fatigue and lethargy are also some of my die off symptoms. Some days I feel like I can barely stand up. But, I have to. Someone has to cook all this soup!

Thank you for notes and call of encouragement. I know I will need even more next week when the kids start with me. If anyone has an urge to cook something for Brian, we would both be so grateful. Poor guy.

GAPS Diet: Day 3 & 4

Today (Day 4) was easier. Partly because its Monday and I'm busier than we were over the weekend so my mind isn't as filled with food fantasies. It was also easier because my cravings seem to be lessening. I made a better soup yesterday, I ate the whole thing; probably 7 bowls. I was really hungry. I'm still experiencing symptoms so I did more research and realized I wasn't following the into diet completely correctly. I need to start with a bone stock base and add one vegetable at a time.

The following vegetables are the easiest to digest and where I'll start. If anyone has any soup recipes you like or think I could adjust, please pass them on.
Avocado
Artichoke, French
Asparagus
Bok Choy
Broccoli
Brussels sprouts
Cabbage
Cauliflower
Celeriac
Celery
Collard greens
Eggplant
Garlic
Ginger root, fresh
Kale
Mushrooms (some say folks with candida overgrowth should avoid)
Onions
Parsley
Peas
Peppers (green, yellow, red, and orange)
Spinach
Squash, Spaghetti
String beans
Tomatoes
Turnips (caution re: fibre)
Watercress
Zucchini

I made this soup today. It turned out pretty good, I used too much salt and like most of my soups its too thin. I copied it from the blog Thinking Outside the Box

Broccoli and Garlic Soup – simple but tasty soups for GAPS Intro

INGREDIENTS:

• broccoli (1 lb / 450g)
• broth (1 litre)
• garlic (3 large cloves)
• onions (2 medium size)
• salt (3/4 tsp or to taste)
• freshly ground peppercorns (3/4 tsp or to taste – pretty finely ground)

METHOD:

Wash the broccoli and cut into florets. Later, on GAPS intro, I also used the peeled, chopped stalk, but not early on. Peel the garlic cloves and peel and chop the onion coarsely. Place them all in a pan. Sprinkle over the salt and the freshly ground (this REALLY makes a difference!) peppercorns.

Add the broth and bring to simmering point. Put a lid on and simmer gently for about 25 minutes. Blend, dust with ground pepper and serve.

Alternatively you can add the garlic at the end of simmering and bring back to the boil briefly before blending. This method increases the health benefits from the garlic but I prefer the flavor when the garlic is included from the start of cooking.

The Last Cupcake

My ability to cook has grown over the years. Many of you know and love to story of me cooking brownies in high school and when the box said "mix by hand" I literally stuck my hand in the batter and mixed by hand. That was the season in life when my diet consisted of cereal, Hungry Man Fried Chicken TV dinners, and buttered corn in the school lunch room. The only vegetables I ate were my grandma's green beans, creamed corn, occasionally cooked carrots and peas. I can still remember ordering roasted vegetables for the first time at a restaurant with my friend Lauren...I was in my mid-20's. I was so surprised how good they tasted. I can remember the first time I tried cooked broccoli and liked it was also in my mid-20's at the Sweeney's.

I share all this to express that I am not historically a health nut and I have very little experience in the kitchen.

Last week, when I was overwhelmed with the gap between where we were and where I wanted to be I decided to make a list of baby steps. I wanted to pick a first step that did not require new cooking skills or recipes. So, on September 10th I gave up sugar. Annabelle turned one on the 9th and I savored every bite of my last piece of sugar, my last cupcake. The next day I tossed out the left over cupcakes and when there was icing on my finger I washed it off in the sink instead of licking it. That's when I knew this was serious.

I am addicted to sugar. I can not eat small amounts. If there is a pastry sitting on my counter I will eat all of it before the day is over, it doesn't matter what size. It doesn't even matter if I know its something Brian will really want when he gets home. I try. I try to save it for him but I have no self-control. This is one of the reasons I know I need to give it up.

I'm also giving it up because I think it makes me sick. Everything I'm reading, regardless of how much opinions agree on something else, they all agree sugar is bad for you...especially refined sugar (table sugar) and even worse; high fructose corn syrup. Your gut is full of good bugs and most of us have guts that also host the bad bugs. The bad bugs feed on sugar, refined grains, and yeast. The normal western diet is full of processed foods which are foods that have been changed so much from their natural state that they often don't taste very good so sugar is added to make us want to buy them. And that's just normal food, not solely sweet items. Take a look at the boxes and cans in your cupboard. I will be surprised if you can find many things without sugar in them.

“A child or adult who eats a diet high in difficult-to-digest carbohydrates such as grains and processed foods will continue to encourage the underlying condition of gut dysbiosis. Dr. Campbell-McBride states that people with damaged flora will crave the very foods that support the survival of the unhealthy bacteria, often to the exclusion and refusal of others.”

I know there are some of you out there who have already done this and if you have ideas on what to eat when you have a sweet tooth, please comment below and share your recipes. I would especially love something kid friendly.

If you are not ready to totally kick out sugar then here are some ideas:

In the latest Wise Traditions, Sally Fallon gives these suggestions:

• If you want something sweet, eat a piece of fruit, not a candy bar labeled as a “health food”.
• Use sweeteners that are known to be safer. For uncooked dishes, unheated raw honey or dates work well. For cooked dishes or sweet drinks, a good organic maple syrup, or even freshly juiced apple juice or orange juice can provide delicious and relatively safe sweetness; dehydrated cane sugar juice or maple sugar may be used in moderation in cookies and desserts that contain nutritious ingredients and good fats such as butter, egg yolks and nuts.
• One should limit total sweetener consumption to less than five percent of daily calories.
• Many people do best by avoiding sweeteners completely.

Here is info copied from one of my favorite blogs KellytheKitchenKop.com This links below won't connect you to anything because I just copied and pasted them but if you want to view this same information on her blog so you can activate the links it is http://kellythekitchenkop.com/2009/04/sugars-part-2-best-to-worst.html

These are in order from best choices to the worst choices:

1. No refined sugar is best, and only small amounts of natural sugars. (Hopefully someday I’ll get there!)
2. Stevia, rapadura, sucanat, maple syrup, maple sugar, honey, coconut or palm sugar, molasses, dates – these are all the least refined, the most natural, and contain the most nutrients - more info below about some of these natural sweeteners.)
3. Turbinado, organic regular sugar (this one is a little better because organic has no GMOs (Genetically Modified Organisms) from the sugar beets), evaporated cane juice
4. Regular refined white table sugar or brown sugar (see above about GMOs) - refined sugars have no nutrients left in them at all…
5. Avoid: high fructose corn syrup, agave nectar, xylitol, erythritol, artificial sugars (Splenda, Nutrasweet, etc. – it’s better to use small amounts of real sweeteners above than to use these fake sugars.)

What I’ve (Kelly the Kitchen Kop) learned:

• I haven’t had much luck with Stevia, so I’m afraid to experiment more. Please comment and tell us what you like it in.
• Rapadura or sucanat is great for some things, like cinnamon toast or to sweeten a sauce, but I have found it to give baked goods too strong a taste. However, I just tried Ann Marie’s sucanat and hers tastes milder than my rapadura, and she has good luck with it in baked goods, so maybe it’s just a brand difference! Be sure to experiment to find what you like.
• Ann Marie also just had me try her organic evaporated palm sugar and it’s so good! I could use that to replace 100% of the refined sugar in cookies and it would taste exactly the same! I’m so excited about this, because I’ve still used some refined sweeteners in my recipes if I couldn’t get them to taste good otherwise, but this may get me totally away from refined sweeteners!
• Molasses is a sweetener with a strong taste, I use a little in the nut bar recipe that I’m posting soon – what have you had good luck with it in?
• As I said last time, this chocolate mousse is a great recipe using dates as the sweetener. You process them up really small and they give a good flavor.
• Maple syrup (or maple sugar) is great for the ooey gooey layer in the bottom of the pan of cinnamon rolls, in homemade ice cream, to give smoothies a little sweet taste, and in homemade applesauce!
• I like raw honey in my homemade bread, in a homemade hot fudge sauce or chocolate fudge, and to substitute part of the sugar in cookie recipes, but if I substitute it for all the sugar, the honey taste takes over.
• I don’t worry so much about the tiny amounts of xylitol in gum or toothpaste, but maybe I should…any thoughts?
• Often you can drastically cut the amount of sugar in a recipe without anyone noticing.

Other information on sweeteners:

• Passionate Homemaking has good info on the difference between rapadura vs. sucanat!
• The Nourishing Gourmet has more information on palm sugar and the glycemic index of these sugars (in the comments section).
• More info on these natural sweeteners:
  • Blackstrap Molasses is approximately 65 percent as sweet as sugar and can be used in both cooking and baking. Blackstrap molasses is an excellent source of manganese and copper, and also contains iron, magnesium, calcium, potassium, and Vitamin B6.
  • Maple syrup is most widely known as a topping for pancakes and waffles, but it’s also a natural sweetener that can be used in baking and is a good source of magnesium and zinc. Maple syrup is about 60 percent as sweet as sugar. Maple syrup can cause blood sugar levels to rise, so those with diabetes should use it sparingly.
  • Raw Honey is a natural sweetener that has powerful disease-protecting antioxidants that are thought to reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease and cancer. Honey is 25 to 50 percent sweeter than sugar and can be used in cooking, baking, and beverages. As with maple syrup, honey can cause a spike in blood sugar levels and should be used sparingly by those with diabetes. (Note: Do not give honey to children under one year of age as it may put younger children at risk for botulism.)
    Source

The First Post

I can't believe I'm blogging. Until about a month ago, I wasn't even really sure how the whole blog thing was. I'm still not entirely sure how the whole thing works. But, I am starting one nonetheless.

I am changing the entire way our family eats...starting with me (baby steps). I have had many questions about this from friends and especially friends that struggle with some of the same health issues themselves or with their children.

It's been on my heart to start this blog for a few reasons. 1) It might be therapeutic as I am very overwhelmed by the amount of info and the new way of cooking, shopping, etc. 2)I need a way to organize my thoughts for myself 3)It might help someone else wanting to make changes in their health or their family's 4)I need help. So many people have offered to help and don't really know how to and I don't know what to ask for. Maybe as I am posting things, someone will have some great ideas on how they can contribute.

So, here we go...