Thursday, October 21, 2010

Being instead of doing

So the visit this week with the specialist was not what I expected. It reminded me why we decided to stop going down the traditional medical road. What the doctor said was, in a sense, what I wanted to hear...I do not need to worry about Grayson's diarrhea, I don't need to worry about his huge bloated belly, I don't need to worry about undigested food in his BMs, and I should feed him everything. The problem is he said this without putting a hand on Grayson, not looking at him for more than 2 seconds, not letting me finish a sentence, not reading Gray's medical history, and telling me that he will have Irritable Bowel Syndrome his whole life. He rolled his eyes at the idea of an imbalance in the gut flora theory. He said that what we eat makes no difference in our digestive system. He said I myself do not have lactose intolerance because I am of German heritage. There were many gross generalizations made and seemingly unfounded conclusions.

But I don't want to discount that he is a well respected doctor and at 78 years old, has to have much wisdom. He said that Gray does not have any of "their diseases." I believe that, and I'm thankful we went to see him to hear that and I can now remove that nagging thought in the back of my head that he has some chromosomal disorder going on. Going through Gray's medical history was helpful for me to realize how many things have improved.

He doesn't have a disease but is he in optimal health? I don't know. When you go out of the traditional medical model there is much talk about optimal health. That is the driving force behind most diet and nutrition gurus. There is even a sense that if you do everything right (i.e. perfect diet, correct supplements, all toxic avoidance) you can have perfect health. It can be a crazy trap for someone like me who wants to do everything right. I have had to step back many times and remind myself that we are in a fallen world. Things in this world are broken. Many things are beautiful but nothing is perfect. We have the promise that God will restore the world and our bodies back to perfection. But its a promise of things to come, not what we will experience on this earth.

My kids are not perfect. I can not make them perfect. I can not be the perfect mother. There is a not a perfect discipline tactic that if I follow perfectly will produce well behaved children. There is a not a perfect set of activities that if I complete in a week will make my children smart. There is not a perfect way to teach my children about the Bible or memorize versus that will ensure they feel loved by God and love others. AND...there is not a perfect diet or program or medicine that will ensure my children never get sick or never experience pain.

When I got home from the doctor's visit, I had a wonderful talk with Brian. It was mostly about the things I've just been talking about. I realize there is a part of my heart that is seeking to control things I can't control because it gives me a sense of security. But it is a false sense of security. I am going to drive myself crazy and I'm going to miss out on enjoying these years with my kids if I try to find my security in "fixing" them.

Yet, I am their mom, and I can't ignore issues if they are there. Balance. That is what I am trying to find. How to move forward when I think I need to to care for them, while at the same time resting in knowing that they are more than cared for by God.

Being instead of doing.

I don't have a master plan for where to go from here and I like that. We are already at the stage in our diet when we can start to add in some more foods so we'll slowly start to work our way into more and more variety. For the most part, my kids are doing great and I am going to choose to focus on their awesomeness. I am going to drink more water during the day...not because I am "supposed to" but because it is relaxing and it makes me slow down. I am going to sit still more. I am going to try to find a hobby. I am going to delete all 1200 unread emails in my inbox and not worry about trying to get to them all. I am going to try to think about just today. I am going to be a mom to my babies. I am going to enjoy my husband. I am going to rest.

We have a God who offers to take our burdens, I might as well take advantage of that.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness" Lamentations 3:22-23


  1. wow, what a healthy perspective you now have on this situation. i guess i never pondered letting go of burdens in this manner. i hope it continues to grow!

  2. this is beautiful, kim. you mentioned some of this on wednesday, but your words in writing make it so clear what God is teaching you. i wish i could say 'now everything will be so simple!' i know that's not true, but i do know what is True: God is glorified by you and your honest way of acting out your faith in Him. i will be praying that He continues to show you how to "be." love you- thanks for sharing your heart!

  3. Wow. There is so much that you could possibly control/manage/perfect and yet you summed it up the truth that we all strive for in some way shape or form: "Things in this world are broken. Many things are beautiful but nothing is perfect. We have the promise that God will restore the world and our bodies back to perfection. But its a promise of things to come, not what we will experience on this earth." Amen, sister. Amen. I hope you find rest!